Usually, the first thing I do when I wake up is check my social media apps on my phone to keep myself from falling asleep again. Today I’ve realized this is too much of an overload. Maybe Facebook in general is too much… too much information. What I see on Facebook makes me afraid, deeply afraid. What I see traumatizes and triggers me, despite the trigger warnings. What I conjure from that fear is anger, which commands attention, but underneath I’m scared. Scared more than I should be? Paranoid? I’m not sure. Right now I feel I need to express the fear before it warps into anger for once. Hopefully after that I can find grounding, maybe a little peace.
In San Francisco this past Friday there was a Make A Wish event where a kid got to dress up as “Bat Kid” and have part of the city become Gotham for a day. He got to save a “damsel in distress” and took down The Riddler and The Penquin. If you have internet most likely you heard about it already. The event did seemed really cute. Simultaneously I was ambivalent and annoyed. It’s one of those moments where you instantly identify that no one would take the time to do that for a Black kid dying, probably not a Brown kid either. They want those kids out of San Francisco. At the very least they would dress a Black kid up as The Joker and have a white person dressed as Batman beat him up and throw him in jail. It’s a moment where white privilege stands firmly even while masking itself with the innocence of a child with Leukemia. White supremacy doesn’t take a break, not even for the sick. It’s a moment that automatically makes me reflect on Black death. On Facebook I still haven’t been able to say anything about Renisha McBride, I still haven’t even gotten over Trayvon or Jordan Davis…
Then, lo and behold
A Black youth, a student at City College where I recently (finally!!!) earned my Associates, D’Paris (DJ) Williams was returning from the Bat Kid festivities to be approached by plain clothes officers for riding his bike on the sidewalk as he made his way to his apartment to issue him a citation. Yeah, I would have been like “gurl bye” as well. But when he proceeded to his door the two cops grabbed him from behind, then searched him, found a cupcake and a juice (skittles and ice tea anyone?), and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him. I wonder if he was dressed like The Joker….JK when you’re Black you’re always The Joker, always the local terrorist, always the villain up to no good with our corner store snacks of mass destruction. There’s a video I’m already too traumatized to watch which apparently shows DJ “bloody and screaming in pain” before being hauled away to the hospital and then to jail. Can I take a pause to reflect on hospitals’ complicity and collusion with the criminal legal system? …………….K, thanks. Then a mob forms and the police of course request back up and more arrests ensue, including an elderly HIV positive man who is still in custody because he used his cane as a “deadly weapon.”
That’s exactly why I stay away from large groups of white people have a celebration, niggers aren’t welcome. My intuition grows stronger everyday. SF be like “White kids can grow up here and make wishes come true, Black kids if we can’t kill you WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO TRY, so stay away.”